How Voice Messages Unlock Richer Relationships Than Phone Calls

Mojca recently asked me a great question: “How can a voice message build a deeper connection than an actual one hour conversation?”

It sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it? How could asynchronous voice messages lead to deeper conversations than a real-time phone call? Most people dismiss this idea immediately. But for those who have experienced it firsthand, they know it to be true.It's a question worth exploring, because understanding the mechanics behind this phenomenon reveals something profound about how we connect with others.  

The Paradox of Less Information, More Depth

For those old enough to remember landlines, you'll recall that many of our deepest relationships were built through long phone conversations. We could establish meaningful connections purely through voice. Interestingly, research suggests that even with the advent of FaceTime and Zoom, audio-only communication often creates better, deeper relationships.

This mirrors another counterintuitive truth: readers of a book often feel the story is richer than moviegoers, despite the movie offering more sensory information. With fewer details, our brains fill in the gaps and create connections with our own personal experiences rather than passively processing the complete picture.

"The paradox of async voice messaging is that by removing constraints of time, we often connect more deeply."

The Three Mechanics of Deep Voice Messaging

So what makes voice messaging uniquely powerful for building depth? 

Three key structural advantages:

1. Thoughtfulness Over Timing

In a phone call, the clock governs the pace of conversation. Social norms dictate that when someone finishes speaking, we should respond within seconds. This creates pressure to formulate replies while simultaneously listening—a cognitive challenge that makes consistently thoughtful responses impractical.

Voice messaging removes this pressure entirely. I can reply when I have something valuable to contribute, whether that's in a second, a few hours, or even days later. If a new thought occurs to me days after my initial response, I can add it to the conversation. The dialogue is driven by having something worth saying rather than by the ticking clock.

2. Open-Ended Expression

Voice messaging offers an open mic. Without the pressure of someone sitting across from us, people share more freely—exploring tangents, side thoughts, and ideas they might otherwise hold back. This freedom creates conversational hooks the other person can grab onto, building depth in unexpected ways.

Productivity expert Ari Meisel notes that in live settings, our speech patterns are shaped by the person in front of us. We read cues, adjust in real time, and often self-limit. The result can be a surface-level ping-pong exchange and that’s exactly what voice messaging avoids.

3. Unbounded Time

How much time is enough to go deep with someone you find truly interesting? Ten minutes? Thirty? An hour? Most would say that with the right person, the conversation could continue forever.

Phone calls, being synchronous and bound by schedules, have finite restrictions. An hour delivers more than thirty minutes, but it's still bound by schedules.

Voice messaging allows conversations to become unbounded. They can unfold over weeks or months, growing organically as both parties find interesting things to share. The depth that accumulates isn't artificially limited by scheduling constraints—it's driven purely by genuine mutual interest.

Bonus: Parallel Conversations

Phone calls are structurally linear. One idea leads to the next, and each new topic replaces the previous one. Voice messaging, however, enables conversational threading. Multiple ideas can be explored simultaneously.

While discussing an important topic, I might mention where I grew up. That side comment can branch into its own thread—comparing places, childhood experiences, and memories—while the main conversation continues. This ability to explore parallel threads creates greater depth and connections through shared experiences in a much shorter period.

The Bottom Line

The paradox of async voice messaging is that by removing the constraints of time, we often connect more deeply. Less scheduling, more talking. That’s where the magic happens.

I’ve raised money, formed partnerships, and built friendships entirely through voice messaging—without a single phone call. It’s not just faster. It’s more effective.

Have you experienced this phenomenon yourself? What are the mechanics that you think makes async voice work better than live calls?